9 Tips For Resolving Family Conflicts

Family relationships aren’t always going to be smooth sailing, and there are going to be times when individuals just cannot seem to agree on things. When things like this happen, it can be a sensitive matter. You might be having difficulties with your partner, with your parents, with your children – or even people who are not in your immediate family. In any case, a resolution to the problem is important, because oftentimes you will be seeing them again at family events and so on. 

That’s not to say that you should give in just to settle a conflict, but there are ways to effectively get to the bottom of the issue without trying your best to ignore it.

Finding the problem

First of all, tension can come from a number of different sources, and if you’re going to solve a problem between you and another family member, it’s important that you can get to the main issue. The main problem that started the conflict might be something unrelated, and until you figure out the issue, you’re not going to solve anything. If possible, try talking to the person, listening to them, and finding out more about why they feel the way they do.

When you’re unsure of why they feel so negatively, it can feel very one-sided. You might feel as if you’ve done nothing wrong, and you’re completely in the right – and until you know what the problem is, you might not change your mind. The same goes the other way around, the other person might not realize how they’ve made you feel and what has pushed you to this point.

As an example, fights that break out between couples might seem trivial on the surface, but there are often a lot of issues that have piled up to create a greater issue. It could be small difficulties experienced throughout the month, but until those issues have been communicated – nothing is going to be solved.

Empathizing

No matter whether you’re feeling completely in the right or not, it’s important that you make an effort to empathize with the other person. Put yourself in their shoes, how do they see you? How should they see you? You might have unknowingly caused them distress, there might be an angle that you’re just not seeing. The only way to really know what they’re feeling and why is to talk to them and listen, and try to see where they’re coming from. No matter how right you feel you are, it’s important that you keep an open mind when looking for a solution.

Again, that’s not to say that you should give in, but understand that there could be more to the issue than you were originally first willing to consider.

Working together

At the end of the day, it’s often best to resolve these conflicts if both parties are being reasonable. Of course, there are some issues that cannot be recovered, but in the event that it’s not too late – it often takes work from both sides to get past something. One party can apologize, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to forgive. Talking it out, and discussing all of your feelings can help you both to find the faults and resolve it at the same time. There might be things that went without an apology, there might be things that just weren’t noticed, and working together is going to make it much easier.

Professional guidance

Sometimes family conflicts aren’t something that you can simply resolve within the family between both parties, and there are some cases where an agreement isn’t possible. In times like this, legal and professional guidance might be necessary to ensure that the right thing is done and a solution can be reached.

A major example of this would be struggling marriages. When it’s time to seek a divorce lawyer, you need to know what the best course of action is. The situation can change depending on what’s on the line, and couples who have children might want to be extra careful when it comes to handling these marriages. A divorce lawyer specialized in child support can be helpful and should be considered if this is your situation, and even if you’re not going through with the divorce – professional guidance can be very helpful.

There’s also professional counseling, which can be incredibly helpful when there has been a breach of trust between partners. As in this case, trusting the judgment of the other person can be difficult, which is why it would be important to bring in a third party who is understanding and not biased. When either partner struggles to speak about their feelings, having a professional there who understands how to work with them can help to get things out and talked about.

Avoid anger

When there’s a sensitive conflict between you and another member of your family, it can be difficult to keep a calm mood. It’s not easy, as someone you care about deeply has hurt you, which is why often many people will act out in anger. With that said, you need to keep in mind that no matter how angry you are, it’s not going to help you solve your issues.

You should also keep in mind that just because you need to avoid being angry, it doesn’t mean that it’s not justified. Your anger might be completely justified, but if you’re trying to solve an issue, it’s going to make things much more difficult. The other person might feel more defensive, they might be more afraid to act vulnerable, and they might even avoid talking to you if they know that you are angry.

Letting go of your anger can be very difficult, but it’s an important step in conflict resolution, so you should aim to do that as soon as possible if you want to solve the problem. Even acting calm might lead you to lash out during discussions and arguments, which can put a stop to your efforts.

Reach out first

Having an issue with someone else can make it difficult to want to talk to them and be around them, and most people have probably experienced wanting to withdraw from someone’s company rather than confronting them. Confrontation can be difficult, as it involves confidence, being vulnerable, and generally a lot of other concerns that you might have about the person in question.

With that said, you might be the only person who is aware of all of the issues, and the other person might not reach out without knowing that there’s a bigger problem going on here. Withdrawing won’t always lead to the person in question approaching you, which is why it’s always best to be the person to reach out – so long as the timing is appropriate.

Think of whether it’s worth it

If you’ve found yourself harboring a grudge against someone else that you care about, you need to think about how important this is to you. Is it something that they did to personally upset you? Do they continuously cross your boundaries? Or is it something that could have been a mistake? Sometimes forgiving and forgetting is more beneficial to you than holding onto these negativities, and you would be much happier for it if you were able to. That’s not to say that it’s simple and easy, but it can be the better option in certain scenarios.

Make your own boundaries

Having your own boundaries is important, and it’s important that others are able to respect them – especially when they’re your family. Family conflict can often come from boundaries being crossed, and you shouldn’t ignore it when this happens. You also should not accept other people disrespecting your boundaries, however, it’s important that you communicate this if other people are not taking them seriously. Boundaries can help others to understand what you do and don’t like, and why some things make you feel a certain way. 

Boundaries are important for everyone, and no one is exempt from them if you don’t want them to be – even your spouse. Marriage isn’t an excuse for someone to cross your boundaries, and you should make that known as soon as possible. 

These same boundaries need to be maintained when resolving a conflict, and giving them up for the sale of resolution is only going to lead to more conflict later down the line – which isn’t really solving anything, just delaying it temporarily.

Think about your own actions

You shouldn’t be thinking about what others have done and adjusting accordingly, you should be thinking about yourself and how you want to handle things. If someone has wronged you, is wronging them going to help the situation? Likely no, and it will only lead to more conflict between you. Instead, you should treat the situation with your goal in mind, to make things right between you and the other party – which will often involve communication rather than taking action against them to hurt them in the same way.